#yes I'm tragic I know that's my best trait actually

[purplebass]

Sorry for disappearing (kinda) but my mental health is not the best right now and some days I just need to draw away from ~spaces in general and keep interactions to a minimum

I think I'm ready to be back even though I wasn't away for so long so maybe you didn't even notice

[mdhwrites]

May I ask your opinion about Camila as a mother? To me, she is a great mom with good writing. My only gripe is in the first ep when she's okay with Luz discarding her Azura book in the trashcan. It's Manny's gift for Luz.

This one is... Complicated. And I think we're gonna disagree hard on it just by what you consider your one gripe to be.

What is a parent's duty? This is a very, very important question to ask with this. Because, you know, as a friend, Camila is amazing. She's endlessly patient, endlessly kind, I call her a saint because she is just perfect. She has no flaws by the end of the show and scolds herself for the literal ONE TIME she ever tries to reign Luz in.

Reminder: In the first episode, Luz brings wild animals and fireworks to school without permission or without any regard to safety. She inadvertently assaulted MULTIPLE PEOPLE with those snakes because we see more than just the principle being attacked by them. We also know this isn't a first time thing because of the SPIDER SWARM. If I had been in the classroom with Luz for the spider swarm, I would have had a straight up panic attack because I, like many others, have arachnophobia.

A parent's core job, only below keeping their child alive, is to prepare them for the world. To make sure they understand right from wrong, that they understand how society works and how to handle it, how to be themselves while not hurting others, etc. like that. I'm not saying that they must make their children conform but, you know, people still have to be a part of society. To know when their freedoms come against others. Because, sure, you can release spiders into a classroom but when half the parents of the students in that class want you expelled, that is entirely in their right because you did not consider, for a second, anyone other than yourself.

At this, Camila is an abject failure by the end of the show. She actually starts really good though. Now, throwing away Manny's gift is... Yeah, that's real questionable but also Azura being from him feels like a complete retcon, especially since Luz doesn't actually hold that series that close to her. She is a pretty flighty fan and in S2, Amity does WAY more for being excited about Azura than Luz does which, you know, is kind of odd if this memento of her father means that much to her. No, in the context of S1, it's the right move. Luz has crossed the line where she is treating reality like fantasy. She thinks she can just do this stuff and it'll be fine because her perception is at best flawed. So yes, Luz needs to wake up. She needs a chance to get a reality check and Camila doesn't even ask for a huge one. She will be happy if Luz makes friends because in order to make friends, you have to meet them halfway, start showing real compassion, empathy, etc. like that, traits Luz is tragically devoid of early on. It's a good goal for not pressuring Luz too hard.

And then Luz goes to a magical world where she gets to live out the life of an isekai protagonist who by the end of the series is willing to condemn an entire world to death just because she's afraid of making another mistake and having to pay for the consequences of it. To say that's missing the point is a bit of an understatement. And I cannot emphasize this enough. She decides on her own, because she feels bad for having made a decision on her own that went poorly, to avoid all consequences for that decision and just stay home with her loving mom while leaving her friends ostensibly to go die because she admits herself that the Collector is terrifyingly powerful. That is not martyrdom, that's self pity with the veneer of sacrifice. It is still not an empathetic worldview that cares about others, reinforced in For the Future where she goes "I'm going to check and make sure King and Eda are okay and then I'm going home." She talks a much bigger game to Boscha but to her mom who knows the truth? It's to check on the people SHE cares about and then leave. All of them. The whole world doesn't matter to her. That's fucked up.

And THAT is the version of Luz that Camila APOLOGIZES to. And for what? Sending her to camp which was her just trying to get Luz to properly connect with reality ONCE. Because again, otherwise Camila has endless patience. She never brings up the promise after all, she doesn't question taking in these kids or the weird lizard girl who's been impersonating her daughter, Camila defends Luz's creativity at every step, etc. etc. She is Luz's biggest defender in the series... And still apologizes for the one time she criticizes her. The one time she arguably does her job as a mom.

That to me makes her a bad mom. Arguably, even worse than Odalia. Odalia is a WAY worse person, but as a mom? I've made blogs about the fact that the fandom projects a lot onto her, incorrectly so, and that by the standards of her own society, she is mostly just trying to protect Amity and help her succeed. Oh, what terrible goals! Yes, she's too controlling and applies too much pressure BUT AT LEAST SHE'S TRYING. And if it feels like I talk a lot more about Luz in this blog than Camila... Well, it's a parent. Their job is to raise children. So we have to look at the child as a part of the evaluation.

And Luz? Luz needed a parent, not the two friends she got out of Eda and Camila. But apparently a parent is not what anyone wants. See you next tale.

======+++++======

I do want to add that I don't know where to put the fact that Camila is a single mom here because it's very complicated. It's good on her that she has the income to let Luz have expensive hobbies, do what she wants, have a house to live in, be there for all of Luz's events, meetings, etc. like that. She replicates what two parents give pretty much all the other kids in the show so well that it feels more like an oversight than anything else. Also, yes, it's good that Camila keeps Luz happy and healthy but that doesn't really change the fact that she is failing to raise Luz despite having all this time and resources to facilitate keeping Luz happy. However, I've seen the problem with that as a kid's parent would just let them watch tv and play video games with them and left it up to the kid's grandma to treat them how to read and write. Guess what activity made the kid happy versus what activity helped the kid grow as a person. And yes, that parent WAS a single mom and I judged them harshly then too.

I have a public Discord for any and all who want to join!

I also have an Amazon page for all of my original works in various forms of character focused romances from cute, teenage romance to erotica series of my past. I have an Ao3 for my fanfiction projects as well if that catches your fancy instead. If you want to hang out with me, I stream from time to time and love to chat with chat.

A Twitter you can follow too

And a Kofi if you like what I do and want to help out with the fact that disability doesn’t pay much.

[fantomette22]

(For Bloodborne)

10, 16, and 18?? 💀

I answered 10 here ! As for the rest it is quite long so putting it under there. Hope you ready 😅

16. you can't understand why so many people like this thing (characterization, trope, headcanon, etc)

Hm... wait I need to remember all the things I don't appreciate... and try not to make ennemies 😓 (it's really not my goal it's just personal preference mostly. Seriously depending how things are explained and presented there's lot a thing I can actually enjoy! While I would dislike when it's just throw and spam without context.)

Hm well you know as for characterisations when it's reduced to like 2 traits or extreme good / extreme bad it's hm... yeah. I mean I know I ain't a good exemple but I barely share dark headcanons 😓 but they do exist hehe.

Of course absolutely don't mind and love silly shenanigans (when you're hanging with your friends and having fun it's not always very serious) and also more dark and matures ideas. When people share it doesn't mean it's all they think to the characters! Gotta take the all picture!

But it does bother me when people believe in almost caricatural interprets like it's canon and talk down on others with different views. Somehow like they are the worst thing...like wtf.

Also well typical extreme talk about Gehrman, Maria and mostly Laurence I suppose (maybe a bit Lulu aka the holy blade but it bother me a bit less because people are generally not spamming to or being annoying as much as the others. Oh Micolash too). When people reduced them to just 2 things or an extreme. I feel it really doesn't fit with the infos within the game. I'm not a fan at all. They are all morally grey and humans. They are not clearly all black or all white. they are morally gray, they are humans!

In more details now. Well for Gehrman you know my stance already. Clearly yeah he had some issues in his life and did bad things but clearly I don't think he was a misogynistic asshole and all the stuff. Like it just don't make sense to me. I don't even wanna vent about it today XD

As for Maria well. Look I don't have a problem with the headcanon of her being a butch lesbian. I mean it's even one of my AU actually. (to put it really really simply. Bc I like having several interprets disconnect to each other in their own settings). It can be very interesting in an overall big story I think. The problem I have is when it's apparently her only unique traits and if you think or headcanon otherwise for any reasons you are apparently the worst shit to exist and getting block. Being labelled as sexist, homophobic etc. Well idk but that kind of reaction kinda tell me who the real -phobic one is 😕 really that is sad like wow who hurt you people?! to have this much anger to people just trying to have fun. Thankfully it's clearly just a minority of people who are agressive like this. And I hope they will grow, gain maturity and realise there's really no need to be that mean about such a thing. But it's been a while saw smt like this so I prefer to put this behind me there's hope.

As for Laurence I'm not really a fan of him being the ultimate bitch devil (or angel but nobody has that take almost. That would be a change. the tragic vicar who only had good intention but accidentally fucked up and try his best until the end😔 I mean I don't agree with that either but that's a change). I mean by this, that I think he did both. Good and bad things. That he had honorable intentions at first but overcome by a bit of ego and pride he fucked up really bad. And then realised his mistake but it was too late to correct it... his theme inspire great strength but who end in tragedy and pity. So overall tragic these too. Him being depicted as just a smug unlikable bitch is something I have a hard time with. I mean yes I like to imagine him being a smug bitch too at times for sure! it's fun but not like all the time and making it his entire personality. If that make sense. I don't see how he could be an important religious figure, doctor and having so much support by just being a manipulative ass all the time. Especially if he start from ground 0.

And hm... i have nothing again it and people so that we're clear but hm EXCEPT in certains very specific context* I am not personally a fan of Laurence being drawn with horns on his head. It just isn't my cup of tea. I'm not sure to understand what's the interest don't make sense to have Laurence looking normally human + just horns but it's just me.

*EXCEPT WHEN : symbolism and symbolic art (no prob I like those actually. Horns + when he's burning in human form for exemple onlooking like religious symbolism) ; "decoration" like lil detached horns, like you would put flowers or sparkles or little emoji next to a portrait of a characters ; before he transformed but with other signs of beasthood (actually him human with horns can be nice but I prefer when it's like mini horns not full cleric beast ones + idk a giant arm with claws and fur growing, eyes looking weird, teeth growing, his hair being longer and messy etc).

Now last I will stop after...

I think a whole fic or interprets on a really dark and realistic Bloodborne universe like our world can be super interesting! But I don't enjoy when people seem to think Bloodborne is 100% our 19th century with just a couple of eldritch things in it? Ok it's closer to us compared to medieval fantasy like DS or elden ring. But I feel it's fantasy too. if we had a map I won't be surprise if that's not Europe or a map that existed in real life. Lot of things don't fit to be actual victorian era. It's just inspire by it : invention and technology aren't on the same lvl. Either they are missing important inventions or are too advanced. (Molotovs appeared during spain war and were named like this during WWII) people don't seem to have 10 children working in factories or mines as well. Women are doctors, academic, hunters etc No steam machine or electric bulb but who knows. I could make an entire things... Looking at all the real life inspirations for the game is great! Create a very realistic story is very cool! But I would personally be more on the side that's it's more of a victorian fantasy. Like Sekiro can't be in our world or how Dark souls is a medieval fantasy as well and isn't medieval age accurate.

Oh boi i forgot about victorian london. Jokes are fine but bloodborne is more inspired on Prague and eastern europe i feel. You and Katy developed it more anyway

18. it's absolutely criminal that the fandom has been sleeping on...

Ok I don't know how to answer this so have a list (of ideas in my head I need to share /write one day lmao) :

Maria backstory (no seriously I want stories on her childhood, her family, what happened, how she felt toward them. Conflicted? Good terms but separate ways? Actually work for them for a while? Disowned? I wanna know! If she's actually close to Annalise ? More important in royal family that we know? Or really a random noble related to them?) Is her pyromancer real?! why she dislike blood blades?

How she got her Rakuyo

How she met Gehrman? her training? WHAT HAPPEN I NEED TO KNOW uxkcblkDOLFMBOEAMl: (sorry XD) work for Laurence & co too

Important lore Charcacters backstory before this whole mess (Laurence, Gehrman, Ludwig, Willem etc yeah basically everyone lol I won't do the entire list XD but how did they meet each other what bound them what happen.)

Stories how the healing church + blood transfusion actually came to be?

Byrgenwerth era (yeah sorry I love it XD)

So yeah overall timeline before the hunter arrive (help)

Cainhurst, Annalise, vilebloods, potential KING of Cainhurst

So yeah Logarius too

Loran, Isz and pthumerians lore??

Dores and Gatekeeper my beloved

Caryll (yeah just Caryll)

Izzy and bestial hunters. How the bestial rune was forbidden, why Laurence had it etc

Ok is everyone except 5 persons gonna ignore the fact freaking Gehrman can make more than just weapons?! well wood stuff are oblivious but how did bro can make such refined clothes hello?!?!

Religion practise how it works in Yharnam, how citizens and clerics actually practise it.

What's their history, their legend, how the geopolitic within the country is and others XD (it's more a critic about the game in itself than fandom really) In truth I'm a bit sad we know lot of countries and regions within Dark Souls but almost none with Bloodborne! Like many people are from foreign countries and we have 0 names compared to the dozens in DS. we just have like vaguely Yamamura asiatic country, Eileen's one, Valtr's city, Loran and Isz. As for Gascoigne Gilbert Brador and all the others we don't know anything. In Dark Souls we have names and we know where people came from : Catarina, Astora, Forossa, Mirrah, Carim, Vinheim, Lordran etc)

Event being seen by random citizens or young characters growing up could be interesting!

I mean many characters again

I might stop here or it will never be over sorry... I'm not even sure it's really slept one but I wish we have more. There's just so many possibilities and things that can be created!

[miraakulous-cloud-district]

Tag game that took me way too long to do

Hi, hello, I'm still here. Life and side-tracking happened a lot and, lately, my only online presence was some reblogs. Nonetheless!! It made me really happy to see that I've been tagged in this wonderful tag game by @inkoherentwriting and @dirty-bosmer and @blossom-adventures Thank you so much and sorry it took me this long to actually do it!

How many works do you have on AO3? Just 6 so far!

2. What’s your total AO3 word count? 100,271 (oh!! I didn't realize I hit the 100k word count before doing this!)

3. What fandoms do you write for? The Elder Scrolls and Dragon Age so far, but I would love to expand that list, and I have my eye on a few fandoms (looking directly at One Piece)

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos? I only have six fics, and I don't really like looking at the statistics because it makes me terribly sad and unmotivated.

5. Do you respond to comments? Yes!!! Comments are everything to me. It may take some time to respond, but just know that I read the comments as soon as I get the email notification and I reread whenever I feel self conscious about my fics (which is *very* often lmao)

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending? My longfics are not finished yet, but if you read chapter 15 of WYGTYA, then you'll know which one will have the angstiest ending Spoilers: it's Hymn of the Highs Seas, it's prequel. Author's note: WHAT HAVE I GOTTEN MYSELF INTO, I AM SO EMOTIONALLY ATTACHED TO THE PIRATES. But I *will* find a way to make it as satisfying an ending as possible, and it will most definitely have a fluffy/bittersweet epilogue. HOTHS will not be sad, I promise!

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending? After all the shit I'll put Ravonna through, she deserves it the most, so WYGTYA, probably! Also, my Ralof/Hadvar fic has a really happy ending, if ya know what I mean :)))))

8. Do you get hate on fics? Not yet. I have this wonderful small community of dear readers and they're the most awesome people in the world <3

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind? Smut is not really my thing, so no. The most I'll do is imply.

10. Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest one you’ve written? I haven't, but I'll never say never!

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen? Not that I know of, and I doubt anyone would want to steal my writing out of anyone's

12. Have you ever had a fic translated? No

13. Have you ever co-written a fic? No, but I think it would be a very nice experience! I've spoken to a few beloved mutuals about crossovers in which Ravonna meets their ldbs, and I have an idea in mind where I could write a few chapters, each of them exploring Ravonna accidentally teleporting into their ldb's world, but it's still just an idea at the moment :)

14. What’s your all-time favourite ship? That I've written? I don't know if I can choose because I love them all, but Rumcurio and Ralof/Hadvar are incredibly underrated ships in the TES fandom and I wish they had more content! Fave ship of all time? Well, right now I am watching Jujutsu Kaisen and I am, of course, having satosugu brainrot. They could have had everything :(((( So beautifully tragic, this one. The fix-it fanfics are amazing, too! But if I had to pick just one ship to be my favourite, I think I'll go with the ineffable husbands because 6000 years of pining is just exquisite <3 <3

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will? A very sad and romantic reincarnation AU of WYGTYA where we get to see many versions of Ravonna through the ages! I say romantic, but knowing myself, it won't be super sappy. It's Ravonna that we're talking about here :))

16. What are your writing strengths? I would say that dialogue, and banter in particular. That's what flows the easiest to me, and I think that is how I'm able to express a character's traits and personality the best

17. What are your writing weaknesses? I believe there's room for improvement in all areas, but what I struggle with the most is angst, probably. I need to practice focusing on describing the character's feelings more. Also, politics. Crucial to the plot, but my mind never cooperates when I want to write politics.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue on another language in a fic? If it's a few words, it's fine, I think it adds flavour to the chapter, but translations should be provided. However, I would avoid writing entire paragraphs in another language, that's just confusing to readers.

19. First fandom you wrote for? Skyrim! I wrote for the Tes Summer Fest event in 2022!

20. Favourite fic you’ve written? I love them all very dearly, but hear me out!!! WYGTYA is my first baby, my longest fic and the thing that led me to start such beautiful friendships online. It will always have a special place in my heart! In my soul, there's a jewellery box dedicated to just WYGTYA, and it's all heart shaped and made out of love. Ravonna is by far my most developed oc, so much so that she feels like a real person sometimes when I think of her. She's even become a source of inspiration for me at times and her story with her fellowship will never fail to put a smile on my face. She's also such a big impact on my writing that I think she will become a blueprint for future stories that I write. Every story will have a Ravonna-type character, for sure. That's how much love I have for her! But I started writing WYGTYA as a beginner, and I sense that I will go back to some of the earlier chapters and re-edit some stuff. Right now, the fic that I'm most satisfied of is HOTHS. It's still at 2 chapters (soon to be three), but I'm so excited about this project, and the characters are all ocs, and my heart is so full of love for them that it overflows! It's also a pirate story, and I always have such a weak spot for pirates. It also follows the storyline and plot twist that I'm most proud of in WYGTYA, all about Ravonna's lineage. Damn, I guess I have Ravonna to thank for this, too. I'm just really happy with this twist and canon divergence in Deathbrand's character. I feel like he has so much potential in the TES Universe, and I'm about to explore all that and more in this fic!

Oh wow, that last bit got so very rambly, I'm so sorry! I don't know who has done this or not, but I'll tag @bougainvillea-and-saltwater @kiir-do-faal-rahhe @bostoniangirl21 @sheirukitriesfandom @illumiera

[powermove102]

Dark Schmerz-o-meter analysis

AKA the comprehensive tier list of pain and suffering (fun!)

Characters are all ranked on a scale of S-E and are all relative to one another (yes, you can be sad and still go in E tier). To reiterate, they are NOT ranked based on how much I like them, how good their character is written, or suchlike (although there may be some correlation), this list ONLY takes into account how hard their life was, how much suffering they have had to endure, etc. Points are indeed taken away if you are the one actively causing the sadness (how much depends on e.g. whose idea it was/ how much enthusiasm you did it with).

(also I'm only referring to Adam's-World versions of the characters, unless otherwise specified, because we just have way more information about them)

Feel free to disagree/ counter-argue, this is just my list and my analysis (all for fun).

(OK I'll stop stalling) So why don't we get started with the best of the worst:

E Tier - You don't know what pain is

Hannah Kahnwald

She starts having the affair whilst she is STILL MARRIED (she was unawares that Michael was literally penning his suicide note whilst she was having a smooch with Ulrich) - she also has the inability to love imo, she just has the ability to love attention

She’s not even that good a mother either, she kinda leaves Jonas alone and is only really sad because she no longer has a mans to give her all that attention (PLUS her fling left her too, and then she has the AUDACITY to ask (not ask - FORCE) Alexander to DESTROY HIM for choosing to focus on his MISSING SON instead of HER!!!!!!

And then when Jonas leaves she’s just more attention-deprived so she thought about offing herself but then thought well if I’m dead no-one can pay attention to meeeeeee so decided against it 

Then Jonas returns (33 years older but it is still her SON who displays AFFECTION towards her) and as soon as she finds out about time travel she’s like you know what this means? An opportunity to find more MEN, and she commits THEFT even though Jonas reeeeally needed that machine (she only cares about herself), and proceeds to go to Ulrich ONLY TO TELL HIM SHE HATES HIM BECAUSE HE TRIED TO SAVE HIS SON I MEAN WHO DOES THAT

yes I am well aware that he was unable to say he loves her when she did but I will get more in depth with that later and I mean, come on, man has other priorities, could you really not get him out of prison???? so he can save his son???????

And then obviously she promptly moves on to the first man she sees (married, but she doesn’t care of course) (it’s the guy she reported Ulrich to way back when in the future/past, but she doesn’t care of course) AND HAS THE AUDACITY TO SAY SHE LOST EVERYTHING like MADAM you did not care about your husband, your boyfriend only mattered because he gave you attention, and your SON has RETURNED with all the LOVE he has LEFT from this CAR CRASH of a reality and you RUN AWAY FROM HIM WHILST HE IS ASLEEP AND YOU SAY YOU LOST EVERYTHING MA’AM YOU ARE TO BLAME FOR EVERYTHING I ACTUALLY CAN’T WITH THIS WOMAN-

I’m convinced she has a soft spot for kids because i can’t imagine what other reason she really has for having Silja (she obviously never loved Egon) so she has her and then she gets taken to Jonas and PRETENDS like NOTHING ever happened, like she didn't abandon him when he returned to her to go have a kid with someone else and she didn't steal his most important possession

And then YES she is tragically killed by her own son (which is usually a trait of someone very high up on the list (RIP in pepperonis Bartosz you are loved) but I don't care, she deserved it, otherwise the family tree would be 100 times more kaput if she was allowed to populate it even more, especially if she still has access to the machine) and that’s it, she gets a shut up/die

Ines Kahnwald

So people seem to be opinionated both ways with this one but here we go

I guess she WAS doing everything for Michael’s own good - he rocks up with no family or anything to speak of, he’s real scared and sad and she does in fact take him in when otherwise he would have been homeless jobless lifeless so yay Ines

And yeah I guess you could say it’s hard on her when he’s distant from her and everything but like? What did you expect? That’s not your real son bro???

And then she has to deal with his suicide (but again, he was kinda distant anyway it seems) and you get alienated by Hannah (honestly a good thing) but all in all it is nothing in comparison so you get a meh/maybe I don't actually care all that much, Hannah has taken all my energy

Doris Tiedemann

You did cheat on your husband. Idc who, why, with who, whatever, if you cheat then you a bitch for that and i have nothing more to say on the matter

Yeah then Agnes goes missing, then they potentially reunite, it’s all tame in comparison let’s be honest, idk/idc

Anyone else who I do not mention in any tier is either not a particularly significant character or they do not compare :) stay tuned for D Tier if you want

[archivestarlyht]

GET TO KNOW THE MUN.

respond to the prompts out of character!

what made you pick up the current muse(s) you have?  for canons,  they're usually ones i enjoy or think are interesting to explore like revali,  ciri,  or link.  for ocs,  i have no idea.  i don't know how i think of these things except 'this fantasy character concept could be interesting so i want to write it.  :)'   currently i've recently picked up dnd ocs not initially meant for baldur's gate,  and it was motivated by stuff like character class and background.

is there anything you don’t like to write?   probably not?  just nothing like.  weird.   you feel.

is there anything you really enjoy writing?   unironically enjoy writing everything,  probably.  

how do you come up with headcanons?   usually stuff from source material or thinking abt individual characters' backstories.  what happens in writing  /  rps also might get me to think about stuff.  in terms of my dnd characters it's been stuff from games they're in,  and their base backgrounds and other traits inform how i think about them and their canon traits etc.

do you write in silence or do you play music?   i'm a 'needs silence or i'll die <3' audhd.

do you plan your replies or wing them?   i don't know what this means.  when i write a reply i write a reply.  so both?

do you enjoy shipping?    yes.  👀👀👀  this is a threat.

what’s your alias/name?   a wooloo is a sheepy.

age?  28.  for now.  

birthday?  may 1.  the most taurus to ever taurus,  actually!

favorite color?  teal.

favorite song?  running scared by roy orbison is a good one.

last movie you watched?  my sister had me watch that cursed 2021 cinderella months ago?  that may have been the last movie i watched,  tragically.

last show you watched?  the boys.

last song you listened to?  percy's song,  fairport convention.

favorite food?  chickie tendies.  🐔

favorite season?  fall - winter.  anything warmer makes my heart race lmao.

do you have a tumblr best friend?  if you read this,  it's ewe  🐑💕

tagged by :  no one i'm a thiefy thief.  :3  tagging  :   ewe 🐑💕

[ananke-xiii]

What about Cas? pt 2

In "Patience" the gap between Sam and Dean gets wider and wider.

Sam is hell-bent on finding a way to open another rift and save Mary. Dean's in his room listening to music with his headphones on and drinking beer. By now we know that Dean alone in his room+headphones+beers=Dean's SO not okay something very bad will happen. Sam and Dean talk and they're on two different planets:

Sam: [Missouri] said that she got out of the life for a while but something happened and she needed help with a case, so I put Jody on it. Dean: Why would you do that? Sam: Because we need to stay here. We need to help Jack learn how to control his powers. Jody can handle this. Dean: Yeah, maybe she can. Or maybe she ends up dead because you wanted to skip out on her to babysit the antichrist. Sam: Dean, we need him. Dean: No, don’t. Sam: Mom… Dean: Don’t. You… If you want to stay here and Mr Miyagi this kid, knock yourself out. I didn’t sign up for that. So I’m going to go to work.

Sam has made an executive decision here and Dean doesn't like it. Sam and Cas share many traits and in this precise moment Sam is very Cas-like: he's decided what's the right thing to do, hasn't talked about it with Dean and acts accordingly. Truth be told, this is NOT the same S12 scenario where Cas took upon himself a huge burden: Jody can definitely handle a wraith. Dean's not exactly fair right now.

However, in light of recent events, Dean sees things differently. Who was the one who ended up dead because he decided that Sam and Dean needed a babysitter? Yeah. You hear "babysitter", you think of Castiel. Dean is 100% implicitly referring to Castiel.

Sam doesn't get it and says the fatal word "Mom" and Dean bolts out. Sam's on "we gotta save Mary Winchester because I want a connection with my mother but I wasted my time with her" page while Dean's on "I'm mourning my best friend's death and what's left unsaid, undone and unfelt with him because events didn't give us time".

I personally see both things as tragic. It saddens me when Sam's pain is not acknowledeged but I understand it because, unfortunately, S13 squandered the possibility of exploring Sam and Mary's relationship. Well, it did the same with Dean and Cas and Cas and Jack, too. Basically, I hate S13 because it started off very very beautifully and then... What a shame. But anyway, let's move on.

By the end of the episode we see THEE Sam and Dean's fight. I personally love it. Well done, Berens.

Sam: How was it? Uh, Jody told me about Missouri. Dean: Yeah, just another day at the office. How’s the kid? He go dark side yet? Sam: Nope. He is uh, he’s pretty messed up though. Dean: You’re telling me. Sam: No, Dean. He’s messed up because of you. Dean, you said you’d kill him. Dean: It wasn’t exactly like that. Sam: Then how exactly was it?

"Go dark" and "go dark side" are actually two very Cas-like things. Castiel IS Superman gone dark side and he's also someone who just recently went dark for the nth time while Dean explicitly asked him not to. Since Dean had already compared Jack to Cas he's not exactly wrong in expecting such a thing to happen. Also, Dean is "pretty messed up" and he's just admitted to it.

Dean: I told him the truth. See, you think you can use this freak but I know how this ends and it ends bad. Sam: I didn’t. Dean: What? Sam: I didn’t ‘end bad’. When I was the freak, when I was drinking demon blood. Dean: Come on man, that’s totally different. Sam: Was it? Because you could’ve put a bullet in me. Dad told you to put a bullet in me, but you didn’t! You saved me! So help me save him! Dean: You deserved to be saved, he doesn’t! Sam: Yes he does, Dean, of course he does!

Sam is thinking about Jack as himself, Dean is thinking about Jack and Cas. Dean's "What?" clarifies the point: they're talking about two different things. Dean knows how it ends because it has ended bad every time with Cas and it'll happen again with Jack. Even if Dean had basically almost yelled that Jack's not Cas in "The Rising Son" we now understand that he's lying to himself. There's a lot of Cas in Jack and Dean sees it and it's messing him up even more. Personally I feel like I must add that Dean's partially right when he says Jack's not Sam: just like with Cas, Jack's got some of Sam's traits in him and it's a cool stand-in for S1-5 Sam. Notwithstanding the resemblance, Jack and Sam are fundamentally different. I won't go there now, but I just wanted to say that lol, although I also must add that Dean's not right when he talks about who deserves what.

Sam paralleling John with Dean is sooooo interesting. Sam is getting very very pissed at Dean. I think they are both looking for a fight and I'm here for it with popcorn ahahhahaha.

Dean: Look, I know you think that you can use him as some sort of an interdimensional can-opener and that’s fine, but don’t act like you care about him! Because you only care about what he can do for you! So if you want to pretend, that’s fine! But me? I can hardly look at the kid! Because when I do all I see is everybody we’ve lost! Sam: Mom chose to take that shot at Lucifer. That is not on Jack! Dean: And what about Cas? Sam: What about Cas? Dean: He manipulated him, he made him promises, said, ‘paradise on earth’ and Cas bought it and you know what that got him? It got him dead! Now you might be able to forget about that, but I can’t!

I'm not going to focus on Sam using Jack's power to open a rift. Call me whatever but, to me, this is exactly what Jack did to Cas: yeah, he manipulated him a bit but he wanted to live! Is it that bad? Dean thinks so. Sam wouldn't since he's clearly doing the same because he wants his mom back. Is it that bad? Jack getting mad at Sam is understandable but they both have very weird ways of establishing connections with family members.

Anyway. Dean calls Sam out: Sam can/wants to pretend but Dean simply can't and, well, yeah that's actually true. It's a matter of skills as I've said. He can't even look at the kid. Because he sees who he's lost. But Jack's not Cas, eh Dean? Aaaaaah, this is very heartbreaking.

Once again, just like we saw at the beginning of the episode, Sam brings Mary up. BIG BIG BIG MISTAKE! RUN AWAY SAM! In true Sam-like fashion, he says that Mary chose to take on Lucifer which.... fair enough. But he fell right into Dean's "trap". Dean very well remembered Sam's cold words "What about Cas?" in "Lost and Found" and now he's using them against Sam. What about Cas, Sam? You asked that, can you answer it now?

I love Sam here. He goes all stereotypical psychologist and answers a question with another question. He's a little bitch and thank God because we needed Dean to explode, we needed Jack to hear it and we needed Cas back. Sam's little brotherness and little shittness saved Castiel from the Empty ahahahhaha.

I want to analyze Dean's reply: I've already said that I do think that Jack manipulated Castiel. However, it's interesting that Dean associates that with Mary's choice to take a shot at Lucifer. Are the two things the same? If Mary's choice's not on Jack, what about Castiel's? Here I think Dean's not right. He's not being logical which is fine because *context* but Castiel ending up dead because of Jack is... not true.

I've explored Castiel's journey in S12 here. Jack's manipulation aside, Cas very much chose to go to Heaven, he chose to betray Dean, he chose not stop Kelly in the Impala, he chose to take a shot at Lucifer. And Dean can't deal with all this. This is the very essence of Dean and Cas's main issue. This is s6 and s8 all over again. This is Cas doing things "because of Dean" and Dean wanting something completely different from Cas. And Cas not fucking getting it. When Sam said that Jack was messed up because of Dean he just pointed out another resemblance between Jack and Cas.

If in "Lost and Found" Dean wasn't even able to say the words "Cas is dead" he's now shouting them in Sam's face. Sam might be able to forget about that but Dean can't. The episode frames it like Sam's shortcoming and, in way, it is. In another, it's just the plain truth.

Sam might be able to forget all "that" because all "that" pertains to Dean and Dean alone. "That" is Dean's issue with Cas, not Sam's.

Sam's fault is that he doesn't see what's going on with Dean, he doesn't even ask him. And why is that? Because he's not able to.

As I've said at the beginning of this never-ending rambling is a matter of abilities.

I went all Sam-like and hyperfocused on the difference between "might", "be able to" and "can" because Dean is very precise when he decides it's time to come at people: he goes for the jugular. So I became the worst version of myself, the version that all the teachers of all the languages I've studied hated: I philosophycally obsessed over GRAMMAR.

I'll spare you the long version and here's the tldr; one.

might + be able to vs can't:

Sam has the possibility/permission (might) to have the ability to (to be able to) forget about what happened to Cas. Dean just can't. And he can't because he doesn't have the possibility, the permission and the ability (three meanings of the modal verb "can") to do so.

In other words, Sam's inability to read other people's feelings and emotions is what allows him to "forget", "pretend" and "falsely care about people", all things Dean had accused Sam of.

He could've said "Sam you can forget, but I can't" but no, Dean had to make it worse. He had to tell Sam that there are certain things about Cas that he simply can't forget in every sense of the word "can". They'll never be on the same page about Cas.

In other words with a very simple, concise, blunt sentence, Dean has finally verbalized the abyss between him and Sam.

If you ask me, it's brutally tragic on both sides.

What about Cas? pt. 1

I love when Sam and Dean fight and the reason why they fight is Cas. I love it for two main reasons.

One, Dean's quick-fire brain is at its best in these instances. One mention of Cas and Dean goes all pew-pew-pew on basically anybody and everybody calls his bluff. Crowley, of course, knew. Even Naomi knew. Lucifer fucking knew it. Well, everybody but Sam.

Two, these fights conveniently happen when Sam is going through his own shit (and doesn't know how to deal with it) to care about his brother's emotional state, making it even more painfully obvious that he severely lacks emotional intelligence/recognition skills. It's "Sam knows and doesn't know" at its best.

I've talked about how the "It’s not an “it,” Sam. It’s Cas" scene in s11 is an interesting example of Dean's rhetoric skills: that man can be on the losing side and still win an argument without breaking a sweat. Sam, on the other hand, not so much. He has a tendency to hyperfocus on one thing and lose sight of the plethora of other things he might need to be looking at.

As a consequence, Dean looks like the one with the heart, the one who cares, the one who's right, while Sam looks shallow, cold and even callous. However, as I've written multiple times, it's a matter of skills, therefore of abilities. Of what one can and the other can't.

So what about Cas?

"What about Cas?" is the first thing Sam says in "Lost and Found" to try and address what happened outside that cabin. With the unmistakable Sam's mark of elegant tact (I love him, he is me) he goes "What about Cas? Is he - is he really dead?" after they've just seen their friend getting skewered by Lucifer in front of their very eyes. To be fair to him, Cas has that thing, you know, that thing that he dies and then comes back. Plus, Sam's sense of what's real and what's not is... something to talk about. However, my heart feels for his total inability to read the room, or, well, the Impala: only 5 seconds before Dean couldn't even say the words "Cas is dead" ("Crowley’s dead, Kelly’s dead, Cas is—") and the best thing Sam can come up with is "Hey Dean, what do you think? Is Cas REALLY DEAD, UH?". Oh, Sam.

Throughout the episode Sam's still unsure whether Cas is permadead or not: at first he's got doubts, then Dean tells him that that's final. So he confirms Cas' death to Jack. However, when they're about to make the pyre for his body, Sam has some second thoughts: maybe they can bring him back. Dean is peremptory: "No we can't".

In "The Rising Son" Sam and Dean have a minor fight over Jack and his powers because he accidentally hurt the tattoo artist:

Sam: It was a reflex. He didn’t do it on purpose. Dean: Who cares if he didn’t do it on purpose? He did it. I mean, you didn’t see Cas smiting someone every time he got his teeth cleaned. Jack: I’m right here, you know. Dean: Yeah, and what about the vanishing tattoo? Donatello: An archangel healed himself. Sam: Another reflex. Dean: Or maybe he didn’t want to be warded. Sam: Okay, look, yeah, Jack is on Lucifer’s family tree. But we don’t know if that DNA is stronger than Kelly’s, or his connection with Cas. Dean: Oh, you mean the connection that got Cas killed?

I like this dialogue because, once again just like that scene in S11 that I've linked above, Dean's laying his cards on the table. A Crowley or a Lucifer wouldn't have missed that. Sam does.

Dean's the one who's brought Cas up. He explicitily (and unfairly) compares Jack with Cas. Jack hurt people while Cas, his Cas, wouldn't (Oh, Dean you're so wrong my precious baby boy, Cas would hurt people and he's actually done so multiple times and you know it: power imbalance between humans and angels is just what it is, on purpose or not, it's a fact). Dean's also the one who recognizes Jack's real "problem", i.e. he's also an angel, an extremely powerful one at that and his power's an issue.

Sam, however, is the one who brings Lucifer up. He acknowledges Jack's connection with him, Kelly and Cas. Big, BIG mistake. Sam unwittingly turns the knife in Dean's wound, although Dean's mention of Cas before was a huge red flag that Sam completely missed.

This might just be my interpretation but I think that Dean's unconscious eagerness to bring Cas up in any argument reveals his desire to talk about what happened, to vent his anger, to test the waters and see if Sam's on the same page as he is. He's not.

And I think Sam's got a right to be on a different page because this is what S12 was all about: while Dean had found his closure with Mary and had started to see himself as Cas' partner (I've talked about this in my spn s12 tags), Sam's still very much behind. He didn't put in the effort with Mary while Eileen, the one person outside of family Sam's got a connection with (excluding Rowena whom he doesn't trust yet) got brutally murdered by Ketch. Sam and Dean can't possibly be on the same page. Supernatural teaches us that when connections break things are bound to explode.

The dialogue continues:

Sam: I’m just saying, Jack doesn’t have to be evil. We can teach him not to be. [...] Donatello: Oh. Speaking not as a prophet but as a scientist, I don’t think teaching him is in the cards.It’s like asking a lion not to be a lion. Sam: But this is not a lion! This is a human! Donatello: With a strong dose of God juice. Dean: Okay, that’s it. I’m done, all right? ‘Cause he’s not God, he’s not Cas, he’s not Simba. He’s the friggin’ Devil!

That's it, Dean's done. The reason? Jack is not Cas. He throws that "he's not Cas" right in the middle, suspiciously hiding the importance of his statement: the techinque is so blatant that, as it turns out, he couldn't be clearer.

Talking on being on the same page:

Sam: Point is… if you and I are gonna do this, keep Jack on the right side of things, then—then we have to be on the same page. Dean: Okay. Well, that’s the problem, though, Sam, ‘cause we’re not on the same page. Like, at all. Sam: All right. You know what? I know what’s going on here. Dean: Oh. Okay. Well, please, tell me, what’s going on here? Sam: You thinking mom is gone and Cas is gone, and that Jack can’t be saved. Dean, after everything we’ve gone through… We just lost people we love, people who have been in our lives for a long time. Everything’s upside-down. I get it. But we’ve been down before. I mean, rock bottom. And we find a way. We fix it because that’s what we do. And Jack w—wants to do the right thing. Jack’s scared to death of who he is, and he’s scared of you.

As I've said, Dean had tested the waters to see if he and Sam were on the same page but he quickly realizes they're not. Sam claims that he knows what's going on and Dean sort of dares him to spill the beans. Poor Sam is wrong againg because the "you" in "you thinking that..." is actually him, not Dean. Sam's projecting his own fears onto Dean (Is Mom gone? Will I ever have a connection with her? Can Jack be saved? Is Cas really gone?). He starts and ends his little speech with that "you" but he clearly doesn't get what Dean's deal is.

Dean's deal is not just whether he thinks Cas and Mary are really gone and Jack can or can't be saved. Dean's deal is about what happened before Cas died and, more specifically, about what didn't happen. He'll reveal his cards, like he always does because that's what Dean does, he wears his heart on his sleeve, in the following episode.

[panlight]

There's something about the whole tell, not showing us thing that Twilight has going and it bothers me with the Cullens. Because Bella is apparently spending a lot of time there and we hardly ever see that.

I think something that would've helped a little bit is Bella teasing and having fun with the Cullens and them also doing it back? I know from my family we always have inside jokes and weird nicknames for eachother, so why not that here?

I know I wouldn't be able to resist coming up with some personal nicknames if say I was really good freinds with the Cullens and slways hanging out there. They would definitely be a lot of movie and video game references though.

I think some off the top of my head would be Van Helsing, The Witcher or Paarthurnaux for Carlisle. Dexter Morgan or The Lion King for Edward. Arthur Morgan or Clint Eastwood for Jasper (or just any cowboy western reference I can make.) Magic 8 ball, Back to the Future or any reference I can make to time travel/the future for Alice.

Sorry for the very long comment. ^^' Anyways say if you were great friends with the Cullens what would you nickname them or banter with them about?

100% agree here. There's a lot of "you're already part of the family!" and "you're a daughter/sister to me!" but that's telling. As far as showing, it's only Alice and maybe Emmett that seem to have any sort of close, friendly relationship with Bella. Carlisle and Esme are generally supportive but we never seem them really interact in a way that shows any depth; particularly from Bella's side of things. It's all about how they can love and support Bella and nothing of the reverse. And yes, I get there's a huge power dynamic difference here--they're adults, she's a teen; they're vampires, she's human; they're rich, she's middle class. But still. I'm just asking for some indication she cares about them as people, some curiosity about them and their lives, that just doesn't seem to exist on the page.

Rosalie and Jasper are more distant, for different reasons, but even Jasper has the "you're worth it" moment, so again, it's about supporting and reassuring Bella vs the two characters actually have a relationship. In BD when Jasper's upset at Bella's Perfect Newborn Control Bella's response is like "is he mad at me?" and it's Carlisle who says it's not fair to judge Jasper's struggles by Bella's success because everyone is different; Bella just kind of sits there in her "best newborn ever" glow.

As for nicknames, I love the Van Helsing joke. I think that's something that would naturally be really tragically funny to Bella (and the other Cullens, and even the shapeshifters I think would find that darkly hilarious--"wait, Dr. Fang was a vampire hunter?" "A really shitty one, obviously!"), and like if we wanted actual depth here, maybe a conversation eventually about how different Bella and Carlisle's newborn experience really was. How he thought the worst thing possible had happened to him, while she felt like all her dreams had come true. I think also references to medical dramas like "Dr. McDreamy" or whatever might crop up.

Tons of jokes about when Esme is going to get her on HGTV house renovation show. "Save a horse, ride a cowboy" jokes with Jasper and Alice. Bear, jock, and just generally meat-head muscle dude jokes with Emmett.

And just like . . . basic indications that she knows these people and cares about them. When's their birthday, Bella? What's their favorite color? Their favorite movies? What kind of music do they like? What's their favorite time period they lived through?

Bella tells us she loves them all, but the show is lacking. I've seen some suggest this is just a character trait of Bella's, that she has a hard time connecting with people, that she doesn't seem to know Edward's birthday etc either. And that's fair. But to me it just reads as this family largely exists to be part of Bella's perfect vampire life and not as individual characters.

[minilpark]

Top gun!Batfam au. That is all. Would like to know your spare thoughts.

i have thought about this just a tad because i hc that bob and fanboy love comics, but i never thought specifically about a topgun!batfam, so here's the little bit i've got for you!

iceman

okay you can't convince me that ice doesn't remind you of either clark (yes he isn't in the batfam but im putting him there as an honorary member) or alfred and lemme explain why-

ice as clark: boyfriends with mav aka batsy, tries to keep his bf in check, fails most of the time, very by the book and follows the rules

ice as alfred: keeps mav/bats in check, looks out for his well-being, the actual one in charge of the family but lets mav/bats believe he is

see? either is valid to me

2. mav

mav is bruce through and through to me. i think this because he basically adopts all the pilots as his own children and wants to keep them safe by teaching them how to protect themselves (like in the air w/ dogfighting) like how bruce does with his vigilante kiddos. also i imagine the tough love and strained relationships bruce has with some of his kids is just like mav and rooster- also not to mention the lasting trauma both bruce and mav have from their early years still haunts them both every day.

3. rooster

i was on the fence about who bradley would be, but i think he would be a great dick grayson and lemme explain why- dick is bruce's first kid that he's ever taken care of. of course with being the first, it's a different experience compared to those who come after you. there's pressure on both the parent (bruce/mav) and him to be the best and live up to expectations. besides this, he was the experimental kid and also holds a personal responsibility over the others (also fitting since bradley's callsign is rooster). dick is also consistently good natured and reliable in most iterations of him and i think this is fitting with bradley. he is kind natured and naive and sometimes doesn't think things through before he does something. there are times he can be scary when he's angry (def rooster vibes) and he's def the type to hold grudges, kinda like how rooster held one against mav for the papers incident.

4. hangman

i was also unsure about who jake would be, but i think i'm going to say he reminds me of jason. theres a lot of iterations of jay and how he behaves and how his relationship with the family is, so imma just keep this pretty general concerning his personality and also say hes on shaky ground with the others. as we all know, he is considered one of the black sheep in the family. after dying and coming back as red hood, things have been difficult to say the least. however, he still is just as strong, brave, selfless, impulsive, and smart-mouthed as he was before he died. i think these traits are fitting for jake. considering his callsign is hangman and the story we all know behind it, he also relates to how jay is a lone wolf more than half the time, but they both are becoming better at playing on a team.

5. phoenix

i think phoenix would be cass. needless to say, cass had a rough upbringing (we will not go into detail). i definitely think phoenix would have a hard upbringing as well as being the oldest sister of two younger brothers trying to help her mother after her father's tragic passing (this is my own hc btw). besides this, cass upholds bruce's moral code and is determined to prove herself to her newfound family and especially to bruce as she wants to take up the mantle later on. concerning phoenix, i think she also holds herself to a high standard especially with being a female pilot in the navy. she is also fiercely loyal and protective of her crewmates. i also think these two are just badass women.

6. bob

it took some deliberating for bob here, but i think he would be tim. tim is not only incredibly smart, he is a great detective and is also pretty gutsy as well. he is a passionate person and works extremely hard to prove his worth (he is a huge workaholic). with all these traits of his, i think bob would fit him really well. bob is definitely perceptive of others and in tune to how everyone is feeling (my hc and also just comes with the fact he is a "stealth pilot" lmao).

7. fanboy

i think mickey would be duke. duke is like the light of the family in my opinion. though i havent read much of his content, i do know that hes like an empath. when he works as a vigilante, he goes out there and uses his emotions to guide him unlike some of the other members. he is also lowkey self-sacrificial and willing to do anything to protect others and his family. i think fanboy behaves the same. he cares about his family and would do anything to protect them. he definitely brings smiles to the crew and keeps morale up in my opinion. in conclusion, fanboy is a blessing and so is duke.

8. payback

payback would be lucas. lucas is no doubt extremely intelligent like his father, strong, and he is also a great fighter considering he is a boxer, as well as being trained in mma and cage fighting. besides this, he is great at tactical analysis and engineering. i totally think payback fits the vibes luke exudes and he is also just as capable as him. both of them are like the rock in the team. they're there for anyone who needs them. (i also think they're both pretty mentally stable or as much as you can be as a crime fighter in gotham)

9. coyote

coyote reminds me of steph. steph is incredibly athletic and talented, but she also has trouble regulating her emotions. she sometimes lets her emotions get the better of her and she is also one for feeling an adrenaline rush. i feel like javy could definitely relate with her. however, despite her weaknesses, she is a great vigilante and very street-smart and pragmatic. when she does something, it has meaning behind it and i think javy does the same. when he flies, he's a team player and is strategic as to how he can lead his team to victory and get them home. both him and steph are also sarcastic and witty, often throwing out some quips at others who provoke them as well lmao.

[applesfallingfromblondehair]

fic writer interview

(a pic to get your attention, and to remind us all of how strong a look this was--you're welcome)

Tagged by @phoenix-ascended, thank you!!

name: C (heavensfallingaroundus on AO3)

fandoms: I wrote a lot of Madderton in 2019/2020, before I lost all hope 😂 I also wrote them as David Budd and Eggsy Unwin in a Kingsman/Bodyguard crossover that is long, wonderful and tragically still unfinished to this day--but I swear we're going to finish it one day, hopefully soon. Basically what I'm trying to say is: anything with Taron Egerton, and I'm game. I also wrote some other British Actor RPF starring the usual suspects (Colin Firth, Kit Harington, etc.) and a single Achilles x Patroclus oneshot after finishing Madeline Miller's The Song of Achilles. I read mostly Taron RPF (but not het stuff because it makes me uncomfortable, soz) and Hartwin--although I must admit I've not been reading as much as I would like, lately.

two-shot: What an odd question. I don't know if it counts as a two-shot, but this pair of crackficks (#sponcon) is definitely the best sorta-two-chaptered thing I've ever written, also thanks to my wonderful co-author and my favourite human on the planet, @its-a-soft-science. I'm also partial to where we're going, because it paints a version of events where everything turned out alright.

most popular multi-chapter fic: Still to this day, it's Three. If you were around when i was writing and publishing it, in the second half of 2019, you know how much that work took out of me and how I never took a break for around 6 months. It was the proverbial wild ride of my life as a fic writer, and even if I maybe think the quality of the work is not as good as it could have been, I still really love it. If you like a long and winding story, you should definitely check out Kingsman: The Highlands Liaison, which (I would like to solemnly promise once more) @misslittlefreckles and I are definitely going to finish.

actual worst part of writing: Definitely planning. I'm someone who would jump straight into writing a scene and 'go with the flow' most of the time, letting the inspiration lead me here or there... but in most cases one definitely needs to plan, cross the t's and dot the i's to make sure that there are no plotholes, incoherences of any kind, etc. And then probably the second worst part of writing is when you can't. The ol' WB is a bee in my bonnet at the moment, and I can't wait for it to pack its bags and fuck off.

how you choose your titles: Song titles and lyrics all the way. Music is a huge part of my creative process.

do you outline: Like I said--I don't love doing it, but I recognize the benefits in doing it, so the answer's yes.

ideas you probably won’t get around to, but wouldn’t it be nice: Goddamnit, I have a list in my phone notes app all about this. Let's see: a third and fourth installment of this Madderton wedding series (I had started writing a stag do part 3 but I never got anywhere with it), a fic on the wild night before Carpool Karaoke (they reportedly got blind drunk and they looked like the most fucked out + hungover pair of lovebirds ever on the day), a massive AU that I'd plotted a year and a half ago where Taron is a bit of an Eggsy character (estate kid with an abusive family history getting in serious trouble) and Richard his slightly older and incredibly competent hot daddy lawyer, several Christmas stories based on popular Christmas flicks, and finally another massive AU, which I'm not telling you anything about because it might well happen at some point in the near future.

callouts @ me: People definitely seem to have beef with me not jumping on the Richard/F**y train. To all my haters, a kind reminder to live and let live xoxo

best writing traits: I tend to use language that is a bit baroque sometimes but it also tends to go down pretty well. I've also been told I can successfully build up a lot of tension and then deliver on it quite effectively.

spicy tangential opinion: After almost 2 years of waiting for it, the Madden CK campaign is terribly underwhelming. The definition of overpromising and underdelivering.

Tagging @himbomcavoy, @taste-thewaste, @johaeryslavellan, @zebraljb

[quidfree]

sirius being "The best-looking, most rebellious, most dangerous of the four marauders"? I'm not as attached to sirius as some of the other characters i think bcuz we didnt know him as well but i definitely think he's one of the most intriguing characters 2 of 2

yeah that’s totally fair! sirius is such an iconic hp character even to the gp (i think mainly bc we’re introduced to him in such a wild way and then his death comes as a massive shock) but he’s not actually featured in the books all that much- poa is “his” book but we only meet him in like the very last moments of it and we spent most of it thinking he was a crazy murderous death eater, and then we mostly see him again in ootp, wherein he’s depressed and frustrated and then dies pointlessly.

what we see of him is so intriguing to me precisely because every glimpse of sirius we get is of a ghost of a man, in a sense- everything about him relates to death and decay. he matters to the plot and to harry because of his connection to harry’s parents, who are dead; he’s spent a decade rotting in prison amongst the dying and the dead inside because of their deaths; he’s our proper introduction to the crumbling institution of pureblood wizards, trapped in an old empty house full of portraits of dead people with outdated views; his death is the first time harry loses someone who matters to him (and a parent figure at that). sirius, more than any other character, is trapped in the past- between james and lily’s murders and azkaban, he’s always written so the audience knows a massive part of him has died a long time ago. and yet at least imo he’s so different from a lot of characters like that- ofc he’s bitter and jaded and traumatised, but instead of being sad and apathetic and tragic, jkr makes sirius, well, cool- to harry and to us. he’s obviously very smart, and brave, and kind of an all round badass (he broke out of azkaban! he has a motorbike!) who talks to harry like an adult, knows a lot (and is willing to divulge a lot) about the order and death eaters, and has a sharp tongue & no fucks left to give. he’s also obviously a very flawed character- he makes little attempt to hide this, and narratively some of his “cool” traits are in fact his flaws- his recklessness, for one, and his stubborn pride, for another. sirius butts heads with an impressive roster of characters for someone with so little screen-time. to me all of this always begged the question: if this is sirius now, what was sirius like in his prime?

we kind of get some answers in the flashback scenes, obv (i will never forgive the movies for cutting those in DH)- sirius is, well, pretty much old sirius amplified by a thousand; low on angst and high on life. i love that the first things harry tells us about him are that 1/ he’s very hot and 2/ he could not be less interested in the people fawning over him because 3/ he only has eyes for james. in a sense what flashbacks give back to sirius is just james- what we have is sirius without james, hence the haunting. and suddenly all of sirius makes sense, i think- we know what he’s missing, and why he’s missing it. ofc we see all of the flashbacks from snape’s POV, which makes it all more negative and antagonistic, but it makes sense for young sirius to have been a cocky, permanently bored semi-asshole too charming to get in anyone’s bad books for long, clever and quick with his words and crueller than he needs to be. we see hints of that in him later, and we know the context.

so, to get back to the quote: the most rebellious, the most handsome and the most dangerous of the marauders? canon says yes. (he’s probably up there for most rebellious/most handsom/most generous chara in general, actually, with the disclaimer of some of the big bads in terms of danger, ofc.) sirius is a rebel both in attitude (leather jackets, motorbikes, sticking muggle posters all over his room to make a point) and in conviction (unlearning his family’s bigotry, spending his whole life fighting an oppressive movement); he’s also one of the characters jkr-via-harry spends the most time telling us is attractive, and as for dangerousness, well. sirius is dangerous, and he’s an interesting dangerous, because he teeters between acceptable canon dangerous (he’s a highly skilled duelist, he violently hates death eaters, and if he puts his mind to something he will accomplish it no matter the obstacle) and a more uncomfortable dangerousness, which both adults like molly or dumbledore and students like hermione take issue with (he feels little pity for anyone he considers in the wrong, cruelty comes easily to him, and if you cross him his vengeance borders on unhinged).

i think the quote kind of sums up why my nine-year old self was so drawn to sirius- he was a character that harry loved and looked up to tremendously, and he was so different from the kind of hero adult figures i’d seen before, always with a darkness to him, and cool in a way the other adults weren’t. since then, though, it’s the other things that have kept sirius near and dear to my heart- all the complex contradictions of his character, all the important things he teaches harry, the duality between the familial roots and traits he can’t shake off and his innate drive to do good and to make right. i’ve said so before, but the fact he’s the character that tells harry things like "we’ve all got both light and dark inside us. what matters is the part we choose to act on. that’s who we really are”, or “if you want to know what a man’s like, take a good look at how he treats his inferiors, not his equals” is incredible to me. not only are they some of the core messages of the books, but they display such a worldly widsom, on behalf of a character you wouldn’t initially expect to have any such deep dumbledore-esque statements to make, which adds so much depth and nuance to sirius. the striking thing is that sirius is the one to tell harry (and us) these things, but they are battles he himself struggles with tremendously- he lives his life in black and white while thinking in grey, so to speak. it’s that kind of thing that has kept me coming back to sirius and will keep him close to my heart so long as i live- he feels so very human, both a walking greek tragedy and a cool uncle. not to mention he has the best roast of all seven books.

i could go on about sirius endlessly, especially sirius and james, because their relationship is such an interesting study of both their personalities while feeding into their personalities at the same time, but i think i’ve covered your question, so i’ll leave it at that for now, haha.

[dent-de-leon]

do you know why lance seems to be the fandom sweetheart for like a majority of people watching voltron? don't get me wrong, he has his great moments, but half of the time he's just plain annoying (so fucking annoying). maybe i'm just too old to like the kind of character lance is.

I’ve thought about this myself, and here’s what I found–relatability. Lance has, by all means, the most “normal” background. He’s intended to be the “everyman,” a character that’s typically easygoing and very much what you’d expect from an ordinary teen. For the pilot episode, our intro, he also feels like the main focus out of the ensemble cast. As such, he ends up being this slate that a lot of fans, teens especially, can project onto. They see themselves in his place. He has typical problems like homesickness, competitiveness, jealousy, inferiority. 

This is also why a lot of fans extrapolate those issues, I think. Particularly that last one. He’s no longer just someone who’s afraid of feeling left out or second-rate, suddenly he has depression or PTSD. Again, I think this is a result of fans seeing a bit of themselves in Lance and so projecting. It’s natural, and oftentimes people can find it sort of therapeutic. But still, there is something that’s always bothered me about fans insisting Lance in particular suffers from mental illness when we have a character in canon who does–and oftentimes, that part of Shiro’s life is pushed to the wayside in favor of adding those traits to Lance. 

Or, even worse, as I’ve said before, I’ve seen Lance focused k/l that covered Keith’s galra reveal. And Shiro was often shown as the most aggressively against Keith, either outright rejecting or even lashing out at him. A character who suddenly turns monstrous from his canon trauma, all so Lance could look better in comparison, and it’s…very upsetting to see. Anyway, I’m glad Shiro was the one in canon who showed Keith that unconditional love and support through his galra reveal, because so many fanworks believed the contrary. And therein lies something to consider–I’ve seen lots of fans either dismiss or demonize Shiro’s very real symptoms of mental illness, while simultaneously claiming Lance was good representation for it, and it was just…strange.

But again, I assume that’s because people are drawn to different characters. And for whatever reason, those few fans who erase Shiro’s mental illness and pass it off to Lance for the sake of “lang/st” find that “representation” from Lance to be more palatable. That is to say, someone without the very real symptoms Shiro shows. Which, you know, upsets me as someone with clinical depression and other mental health issues, but I digress. If that kind of projection helps other fans, then I guess I kind of understand. 

But I just raised a whole other topic there, so let’s talk about that–“lang/st.” Yeah. Putting Lance through lots of pain and suffering is so common, fandom coined a name. See also, the usually accompanying “klang/st.” So, yeah. If fans love Lance so much, why put their golden boy through so much suffering in a whole genre of fics? I think it’s because fans simultaneously love and hate the actual “everyman” aspect. Yes, Lance is like them. But they want him to be so much more!! They want him to have those deep, angsty backstories and heartbreaking character arcs like Shiro and Keith. 

And yet, suffering from trauma or having a bad childhood does not make a character inherently more intriguing or dimensional. It just doesn’t. People heard “he has a big family” and immediately went to middle child, he’s always left out, his family never loved him enough!! And then in canon the show runners told us he was the youngest of his family and spoiled, and fans were surprised. Personally, I think that’s very fitting for someone who behaves like him, but I digress. My point is, lots of fans wanted him to suffer because they either like angst or they assume it somehow builds development of character. 

But of course, the latter isn’t always true. And honestly? I think there are enough tragic origin stories in Voltron already. Like, at least we have this one guy who seems like he came from a loving family and had a relatively good life. Good for him!! I’m happy for him. And there’s nothing wrong with that, you know? Branching off that, I feel like a lot of klang/st is also to make k/l feel like it has more “substance.” Fans gave k/l the self-discovery arc of Keith’s galra reveal, even though sheith had that. They made Lance the loving and supportive one in the face of Keith’s galra blood, but in canon that’s Shiro. 

Similarly, I see prekerberos things where Keith and Lance were always together or pining. You know who were always side by side in prekerberos canon? Who had that kind of dynamic? Sheith. You know who Keith agonized over being separated from for that long year? Shiro, not Lance. He didn’t even remember Lance’s name. Of course, there are the edits where Lance is in Keith’s BOM trial, though those same fans will swear there was nothing romantic about those sheith scenes. 

Voltron’s twitter posts a video of the sheith hug followed by the group one, and fans just complain about the lack of a k/l hug. Altean Lance aus where Lance and Keith have a k/a dynamic is also common. Lance gushes about his love for Allura in his vlog? “Bad character developement”–should have made him talk about Keith instead. It’s like, fans expected certain things from k/l in canon. And when they didn’t get that, they borrowed the dynamic from other ships, while simultaneously hating those same ships. It’s very strange to me. 

I think part of what broke my heart the most though, was fans rejoicing about Shiro going missing because in their minds it meant Lance would “step up” and be that source of love and comfort in Keith’s life. And that just…I felt sick reading things like that. So yeah, Lance is the “everyman,” but a lot of fans want him to be so much more. There’s this oc quality of–give him everything he wants!! Make him an Altean prince! The Black Paladin! Bring in someone who’s going to be the love of his life!! People want Lance to “prove Keith wrong” and “be the best,” even though Black Paladin Lance significantly detracts from his canon character development. 

They pass onto him qualities of other characters because they think he “deserves” it. So, I’m going to say this–it’s probably because I can’t relate to Lance at all. I relate to Keith, with all his canon fear of feelings and abandonment, his deeply rooted attachment to those he loves, his introspective nature and inclination to act on instinct, his volatile intensity of emotion, his unbridled anger at injustice, his difficulty with letting go, his upsetting childhood, his fierce loyalty, his love of quiet but oppressive fear of isolation, his desire for found family, the way he values his beliefs over his life. So yeah, I really identify with Keith. Some of my meta? Probably projecting a little. It happens. So I understand why people do the same with Lance.

But just like Keith, Lance is still ultimately his own person. And the way he is in canon? He’s a good character all on his own. He’s not Keith or Shiro or Allura, but he’s himself. He’s someone who has a way of instigating important events–bringing all the paladins together for when they find the Blue Lion, following that mermaid and uncovering a whole nefarious plot, helping Allura realize her hidden potential and the very depth of her magic. He goes from a flighty playboy to someone actually shy and sincere, who develops very real feelings for Allura. He realizes being Black Paladin doesn’t make you suddenly better, understands the importance of working as a team and really grows into his role as a Red Paladin. Someone worthy of carrying on Alfor’s legacy, someone Allura can really be proud of. 

So yes, Lance has gotten lots of character development, and I think he’s a really intriguing person all on his own. No other character traits required. 

[whoseafraidofliloleme]

Red (Taylor’s Version) asks ❤️

Got this from @lipslikethegardensofbabylon

1. State of Grace - What’s your favourite lyric from the album?

They say all's well that ends well, but I'm in a new hell.~ All Too Well 10 minute Version. I don't know why but this lyric just sticks out to me, especially with the parallel in Lover and just how poetic it is. Also, The 10-minute version of all too well didn't deserve to be in the vault for so long 😭😭.

2. Red - Do you believe in fate?

Yeah, I do. Something happen where I am like this shit had to happen for me to get where I am today. I had to deal with this crap so I'm now wiser and smarter.

3. Treacherous - Do you think falling in love is a choice?

I don't think so. Love is such a complex emotion, I don't think anyone can choose to fall in love. As in it happens when it does, you cant choose the time or place or person you fall in love with. You just fall in love with them.

4. I Knew You Were Trouble - What’s your toxic trait?

I guess it's that I just let things slide. I don't verbalise when something has hurt me, I just act like I don't care when I do care that is, I just don't say anything and let it go.

5. All Too Well - Do you have something you kept from a previous relationship?

Uh, I've never really been in an actual relationship so I've got nothing of anyone that I haven't given back 😂🤷🏽‍♀️.

6. 22 - How many close friends do you have?

Ooof, like 5. I love them all to bits and they are my best friends.

7. I Almost Do - Do you give people second chances?

It depends on the situation really. I have given second chances and it's blown up in my face and well since then I'm warier of who I give second chances to so there's that too.

8. We Are Never Ever Getting Back Together - Do you think couples can break up and get back together again?

Yes. It depends on the people in the relationship and how their relationship was but I do think couples can break up and get back together.

9. Stay Stay Stay - What is your most toxic behaviour in relationships?

I guess going back to my toxic trait, I just let things go, I would rather just deal with it myself than let that person know I've been hurt. I don't even know if that's toxic 😂😂🤷🏽‍♀️😩.

10. The Last Time - Do you give second chances after they've hurt you?

Yeah, similar to the other question, it depends on how much hurt they've caused. If it's a little thing yeah I'll forgive and forget but if it's something I can't forget then they probably aren't getting a second chance.

11. Holy Ground - What’s your favourite city?

London. I live in London and I can't imagine being anywhere else in the world. It's my home and I complain about it all the time but that's just me. if anyone tries to complain about London to me, I shut it down, like how dare you to complain about my city 😂😂.

12. Sad Beautiful Tragic - What’s something you’ve wanted someone to know but never said?

Literally have no idea about what to answer for this one.

13. The Lucky One - If you had the choice to be rich and famous, would you?

Lol, nope. I am happy being a broke student. Fame and riches ain't worth everything else you have to go through.

14. Everything Has Changed - Have you met your other half yet? if you have or haven’t, describe how you think they are?

I haven't. Perpetually single. I don't know how my other half would be honestly. I think I'd like for them to respect me and my choices, deal with my fangirling and love me for who I am.

15. Starlight - Tell one of your favourite memories?

I think it was when I got the result for one of my modules back in university, I'd gotten a high grade and I showed it to my mum and we were just so happy. This was the highest grade I'd ever gotten especially with all the drama that happened with me having to change universities and courses, it just felt satisfying to know that I was going the right way.

16. Begin Again - If you could go back and tell yourself one message, when would you go to and what would you say?

I think I'd go to 2019 Zainab, who was going through it and just tell her that things will get better. Your eczema will improve, this depressive mood you've managed to get yourself into will go away, you won't be losing weight at an alarming rate and the new university and course will be good for you.

17. The Moment I Knew - What year was your favourite birthday?

My 18th. Went to this fancy restaurant, had dinner with my family and my best friends.

18. Come Back… Be Here - What do you think of long-distance relationships?

Depends on the people. I'm not against them, it's just that different people deal with things differently. Some couples might thrive in a long-distance relationship while others may crumble because of long-distance.

19. Girl at Home - Are you an introvert or an extrovert?

I am most definitely an introvert. However, I can't handle awkward silences so I talk a lot. So people assume I am an extrovert when that couldn't be further from the truth.

20. State of Grace (Acoustic Version) - Do you prefer acoustic versions or originals?

Before the re-recordings, I didn't care for the acoustic versions of songs but after I listened to Forever and Always and State of Grace acoustic (Taylor's Versions), I've got a newfound love for acoustic versions but I do love the originals more though.

21. Ronan - If you could spend the day with anyone, who would it be?

Lol, no one. I like my own company. I'll just sit at home reading fanfics or watching whatever drama I am binging at that moment. I really do prefer my own company to anything else.

22. Better Man - Do you think the brave thing is to run?

My opinion varies on this one. Different situations warrant different reactions. If running is the healthiest option then it is most definitely the bravest option.

23. Nothing New - If you could say something to your younger self, what would it be?

Don't worry about GCSE results to the point it's affecting your eczema, they make it seem like if you fail life is over. It may feel like that but you will still be able to go on to do your A levels and even go to university.

24. Babe - Do you keep your promises? have you ever broken one?

I'd like to think that I keep my promises but who knows someone else might say that I've broken my promises.

25. Message In a Bottle - Have you ever written a letter and not sent it?

No, don't think so. My best friend and I went through a phase where we would write letters to each other and it was a fun experience but other than that, I don't have any written letters I never sent.

26. I Bet You Think About Me - Do you prefer country or pop?

Pop, sorry country Taylor but pop is just more my type of music.

27. Forever Winter - How would you help a friend who’s depressed?

Just let them know I am there, no matter what the time is, they can call me and talk. Let them know that I love them and will be there for them no matter what they are going through.

28. Run (feat. Ed Sheeran) - Who’s your favourite collab with Taylor?

I don't know, I can't pick one honestly.

29. The Very First Night - If you could go back in time and change something, would you?

No, I really do think everything happens for a reason. I wouldn't want to change anything, maybe be nicer or study maths more but even then I don't want to change anything that has happened.

30. All Too Well (10 Minute Version) - Which track do you think best describes your love life, your personality, and your dating history?

Love Life: Nothing New. In the sense that it is non-existent and it's nothing new to me anymore.

Personality: 22. In that, I am happy, free, confused and lonely at the same time. I am not actually lonely but that song is still me most of the time.

Dating History: Starlight. In the sense that I don't have a dating history. So I am just imagining how it would be to date.

[seyaryminamoto]

Anon-Nemesis : Since I'm in the mood for making people miserable, I have chosen you as my next target. I issue you this challenge, and traumatically painful as you will find it, I hereby proclaim that before all your followers as witnesses, you must list 5, and I mean 5 good characteristics about Iroh that you like or find positive (Snickers evilly) Told you I was in a torturers' mood. So. How about it? Up for the challenge? Or will you wuss out? I bet you can't do it, though.

:’D

This ask almost makes me wonder if you have read my Iroh posts at all.

Because guess what, my friend…?

I always say Iroh is very similar to Azula, he just doesn’t realize it! And neither does she, for that matter.

SO! Five good characteristics, according to my criteria of “character traits I like”?

Sense of humor: him and Azula are the only Royal Family members with an actual sense of humor as far as I can tell. So, this.

Strategic thinking: Iroh is a strategist, and it shows even from Book 1. He can be a ruthless jerk with some of his strategies, but he’s definitely a guy who plans his moves when he knows he’s in a pickle. So, a good strategist!

Adaptability: granted he’s better at this than Azula, I credit this to his years of experience, but it’s still something good about him. While Zuko struggles to adapt to most circumstances, Iroh fits into every different lifestyle with relative ease, even in prison, of all places! And most of it without complaint, which is where again he resembles Azula. Where her failures didn’t see the Princess throwing tantrums during Book 2, Iroh as well doesn’t throw tantrums of his own when he’s not getting everything he wants, exactly as he wants it.

Pragmatism: welp, this may not be great according to some people, but I actually kinda like this about most fictional characters I see it in. Iroh will do what needs to be done, it’s that simple. He doesn’t take pleasure in it, not necessarily, but if he has to kick the asses of five soldiers simultaneously in the Siege of the North, he’s going to kick their asses. Again, something he shares with Azula, who doesn’t shy away from any similar challenge.

The Fire Lord that never was: just like Azula is the Fire Lord that never was, too. This is something a little bit more tragic, but at the same time it’s a position that enables them both to grow and change in ways their siblings didn’t have to (or, you know, it would, if Azula’s character was written with that purpose in mind…). Both Iroh and Azula are by far superior to their respective siblings when it comes to… anything? Like, really, I can’t think of anything related to ruling where either Zuko or Ozai outdo Azula or Iroh (Ozai is a superior firebender than Iroh, yes, but clearly Zuko didn’t need to be a superior one to become Fire Lord, so I’m not taking this into consideration). Azula and Iroh were both raised to rule, they learned all they needed to know from their fathers, and in the end all that training led nowhere. In the end, their best bet is to somehow play puppeteers advisors to the ruling Fire Lord, if they’re so hellbent on ruling anyways. But alas, both Azula and Iroh had it in them to be impressive Fire Lords, but have to find new paths and futures for themselves that allow them (hopefully, in Azula’s case) to ponder what kind of lives they would want to live, now that they’ll have the freedom to choose them.

There you go :’) piece of cake, my friend :D

(seriously though, it’s what I always say, I keep attacking Iroh because the obvious things that people praise about him 1. don’t really make my day 2. are already praised far and wide so why would I bring them up? :’D can’t say I feel the need to, especially when most people don’t bring up the actually questionable stuff about him)

[corancoranthemagicalman]

💜🌱🌻💜🌱🌻💜🌱🌻💜

I actually *think* I saw something about a class or studying that made me think you're in university. Obvs people can go to university at older ages but maybe it was a bit of the shouting about eating glass lol. Fun fact: I found out recently that my grandparents love the first shrek movie. Lol my mom hates it and I didn't see it until I was in university probably. I'm flabbergasted that my grandma likes it.

Yes, I'm 26. And when I was in highschool people often thought I was in university.

I'm for sure a libra! This isn't part of the game but my hogwarts house is slytherin and I think that overlaps with some scorpio traits?

I am currently single. I do have ba lot of friends but I find it difficult to make *close* friends.

Eyes are blue! And I'd also consider myself an extroverted introvert.

You're better at this than you think lol I do garden, I love reading, I draw/paint/sew/crochet and I love to research things!

My favorite season is autumn, though :) I love the colors and the crisp air that is different than the crisp air of spring. Spring is probably my second favorite.

That sounds like a pretty good weekend (I also play dnd) 🌻 I'll be doing chores and crocheting a sweater

-🐧🌻

Oh, yeah!! I forget how much I actually talk sometimes lol. And the glass diet is one of my key traits lol. Shrek is a masterpiece, so your grandparents have good taste. No counting for you mom, though. Sorry :/ (KIDDING. But seriously, Shrek is a great film.) As a similar fun fact: My grandfather pretty much hates music made after ‘68 unless it’s church hymnals. Except for the Top Gun soundtrack. He loves Berlin’s Take My Breath Away. I do not blame him. It’s my favorite song on the track too. But my surprise when I started obsessing with the soundtrack and he started singing along cannot be measured.

!!! Oh interesting!!! I at the age of 14 got told I looked like a kid’s 36yo teacher because I “looked like her height” so that was fun. On one hand, being thought of as mature when I was younger was nice, but as soon as I hit like 17 I was mostly just tired of dudes hitting on me at work until I subtly started dropping the fact that I was underage. Dudes backed off quickly. Which sort of restored my faith in humanity.

Oh, Slytherins could totally be either or, I feel. I just think that Scorpio matches the traits of the Slytherins we actually got to see the most. And if you’ve read my bio, I’m a Hufflepuff!! So that’s fun!! Further creating the mental image of you in my head.

I was the same way until I met my best friend at university. Sort of feel like I’ve known her my whole life. I could get into my tragic backstory of being the outcast of my friend circle, how I was thee enemy of one of my “friend’s” teenage drama movie life, and etc etc. But the long and short of it is I always had trouble making deep connections. Don’t get me wrong, I love making friends and getting to know people!! I have a lot of friends now and I love them all!! Recently I’ve been going through things and trying to keep up with everyone is, unfortunately, exhausting or impossible. Which is awful but something I’m trying to work through and for the most part, my friends are very understanding and I love and bless them for it. But my best friend, it never feels exhausting talking to her. We don’t talk all the time but we talk once a day. And IDK I just literally can’t remember a time without her almost—I do, obviously—but remembering that time without her is like: how did I live without her? She’s amazing and supportive and if I’ve gotten anything out of my university experience, it’s her.

Ah!! Blue eyes!!! I think they’re so lovely :)) I can see that. Extroverted Introvert solidarity. 👊😔

DAMN. I’m sorta proud of myself?? Does it feel like cheating if I said painting and crotcheting was what first came to mind for me when answering but I only say it after you mentioned them lol. Researching is fun so I do not blame you for that hobby lol.

The end of a fairly decent run. Drat. I’ll be honest, I love autumn conceptually, but over here we don’t have any season other than hot and one week of freezing weather which is why I prefer Winter. I can wrap up if I’m cold; can’t strip off too many layers if I’m hot. The breezes we get in autumn are worth it, though, and I love autumn aesthetically. So I can respect that.

ASDFGHJKL YOU ALSO PLAY DND. Bestie, what class do you play?! Our game was hectic tonight since we had unexpected guest stars (one of our players came directly from the beach with his family so his wife and kids jumped in on our game for this session), but overall fun. I’m just dead tired so I’m turning in early so hopefully, I’m rested enough tomorrow to finish some homework that’s due. (Nothing too bad but I might’ve accidentally pushed it a wee bit. I’m confident in getting it done tho so no big.)

I hope the chores bring you harmony and relaxation, and I hope the sweater is fun!!! Is it a gift or a personal project? My mother used to crotchet a lot. I couldn’t pick up a lick of it, but I liked seeing everything.

💕🌺💕🌺💕🌺💕

[wildwood-faun]

Okay I won't be able to write this as well as I'd like to before it's gone from my brain so I'm just gonna bang out some thoughts real quick like. spoiler alert i did not in fact do this real quick like. CONSIDER: Lieutenant John Irving's beautifully compressed version of the classical tragic arc as featured in his final episode.

First off, one of the few traits that my buddy Aristotle considers necessary to the tragic hero is that of being admirable. Traditionally, this means they're a person of some status - kings and queens are the prime example. Irving, being an officer, definitely fits the bill. I'd argue he does it doubly so as he by his actions proves himself as admirable to the modern audience as well (although I have a niggling feeling Aristotle covers this too but under another term). It would not be a great shock to me for a show set in this era to have the white, British characters all be deeply distrustful of the Inuit people they encounter - to the point of actively sabotaging their own hopes of survival by attacking preemtively to protect themselves. Not so Irving. Yes he tries to be deliberately non-threatening because it might be his best chance of securing rescue, but I think a genuine kindness and respect shines through in his short interaction with Koveyook. It's a bit of a hollow victory writing this, but he treats him like a person when I had resigned myself to expecting imperialist bullshit.

We need to like the tragic hero for the tragedy to work and I find it hard not to like Irving, particularly watching him move with awkward gentleness, trying to be very careful not to spook his would-be resuers while at the same time visibly aching with the need to communicate the direness of his situation. When we see him reaching out to the Inuit family, trusting them with all he's got, we are filled with hope despite knowing from the start that things will inevitably end badly - if not now then later. Without this hope, the story might be tragic, but it would be no tragedy.

Apart from the qualities of the tragic hero, the three biggest hitters as greek tragedy terms go are the peripeteia (reversal), anagnorisis (recognition) and hamartia (fatal flaw or error) and hell yeah we get those in a nice little bundle coming right up.

I'd argue that the error that becomes Irving's undoing is trust. What a perfect mini-reversal, as that also is the quality that endears him to me so particularly. Even without knowing what the audience knows, Irving has good reason not to trust Hickey (here's a cross-adaptation thought but: in the novel, Irving considers how not informing on Hickey and leaving him alive will probably mean having to always watch his back around him. He knows that I know etc. etc. resentment and so on) - and added to the vengeance angle is the significant danger of Hickey and/or Farr deciding that the Inuit are a threat and firing on them from a distance. At least that was my big worry the first time I saw the episode.

But trust is also necessary. Trusting Crozier's saying the Inuit will be helpful - that they will in fact want to have anything to do with a ragged stranger appearing out of nowhere and speaking a nonsense language instead of, say, thinking he's a threat and attacking him (unlikely to me but well in line with what the Terrors seem to believe of the Inuit). This kind of trust means laying yourself bare, placing youself entirely into the hands of someone else and just hoping they'll understand. It's vulnerable and beautiful and I love it.

We have the reversal and recognition happening in ONE FELL SWOOP when Irving looks up at the ridge to find that his companions have disappeared. It is clear on his face that he recognizes that something is very wrong and in the moment that Irving realises what has actually happened, it is already too late. The salvation that was so tantalisingly close has been snatched away, all hope has been lost.

at work but I'm staring into the middle distance and thinking about tragedy on the character arc level